When I was younger, I always had this vision of what my life would look like when I was a certain age. I had big plans and big dreams, but life has a funny way of humbling us as humans. We think that there is this big beautiful timeline that everyone follows – Go to school, get a job, meet your future husband/wife, get married, have babies, live happily ever after. And for some people, that is how it goes. For others, there are twists and turns along the way that take us on a different path altogether or just take us on a road that takes a little longer to get to the destination.
For me, my life didn’t take the direction I thought it would go, but here we are today. I’m 39 years old, and expecting my first baby in a few months. I could lament that I didn’t have kids earlier, but for whatever reason, I am exactly where I need to be today.
I won’t lie, I’m scared to have a baby when 40 is creeping up so quickly. I’m scared that I won’t have the energy to care for a baby or a toddler, or that I won’t get all of the time I want to raise them or see them grow and start their own family (I know, it’s morbid, but it is a legitimate fear). I’m scared of giving birth or that something, god forbid, could go wrong.
Despite all of these fears, I am so, so grateful that I am here today, growing this beautiful little miracle, and anxiously awaiting their arrival. I’m looking forward to making memories, and creating a magical world for baby to explore. I can’t wait to see who they will become, who they will take after.
It’s definitely not all rainbows and butterflies; the heartburn, needing to pee every hour, insomnia, random joint pains, bloating, feeling like you are no longer in control of your body. Those all kind of suck, but I also know how fortunate I am to be here. It wasn’t an easy road. My partner and I had a lot of heartbreak leading up to this moment, and I know so many people who have been or are still in the throws of it all, so I don’t take any of it for granted.
Glitter & Yarn 
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